lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize