He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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