Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
