Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
