I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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