if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize