Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
