69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize