I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
