3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
