I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
