people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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