I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
