So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
