I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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