i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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