I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
