I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
