he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
