i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
