I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
