I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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