so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
