he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
