it hurts more in the daytime
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
