yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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