Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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