Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
