wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
