i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
