Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
