I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
