I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
