Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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