Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
