I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize