do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Randomize
