He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
