It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
