Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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