I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
