OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
