I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
