Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
please don't ironically join a cult
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