oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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