dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
