it's too hot outside to masturbate.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
