So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
