OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
