There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
