Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize