I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
