Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
