I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize