You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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