Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
