You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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