In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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