So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it's like iHOP with fire
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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