Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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