I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
