This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
