i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
