i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize