I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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