i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
