So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize