It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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