A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
