I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
