My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
