I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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