Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
