What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
