I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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