Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
