and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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