The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
