Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
