I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
