what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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