i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
