sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
