he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
