My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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