Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
