just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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