Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
