my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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