You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need moral support for this bender
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
