Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
time to smoke my breakfast
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Two words: blizzard sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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