I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
