dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
