It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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