Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
