I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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