You can't motorboat a personality
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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