I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
