exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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