i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
