i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
