my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
