I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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