wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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