No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
