My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
