how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
