Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
