you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
