I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
