I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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