You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize