operation harelip BJ is a go
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize