I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
