listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
